im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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