Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
