I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
