Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
