I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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