No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
farters have to be the big spoon...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize