And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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