Porn is love you can see.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
