Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
