I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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