come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
