hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
