5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
