96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
