why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
