Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
