I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
