There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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