Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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