did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
