I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
