you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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