Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
