My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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