i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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