If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
