Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
