Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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