I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
