Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
