i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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