So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
