Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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