i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
