Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
