his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
