I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
