Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
