My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
should my penis look like a turkey
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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