mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I sprained my soul last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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