Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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