You really coming over, don't trick.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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