And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were trust falling into bushes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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