Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
