Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
