she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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