He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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