I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
