Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
