Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
