there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
