That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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