I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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