genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
