I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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