The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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