The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
