I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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