Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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