wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
