I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
