What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
