The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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