First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
