i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I will pee on everything he values.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
