I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
