he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the day after is always just damage control
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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