Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
