hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
