I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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