I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
